


Nightmares

by hamiltonfics



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:23:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamiltonfics/pseuds/hamiltonfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has nightmares, John can kind of relate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

Alex had known that he was going to have nightmares that night. It had been just enough of a shitty day for his mind to fuck him over in his sleep, and he was dreading it. He stayed awake as long as possible, long after his roommate of a year and a half, John Laurens, had already gone to sleep. He contemplated making coffee, but decided against it when he realized it was nearly midnight. Finally, he relented and curled up in his bed. 

He pulled his sheets tight around him and kept his eyes open until they were nearly burning with the effort. When he finally drifted off, he went immediately into the same dream he always had.

He was in his old house, back on Nevis. Well, the last house he lived in before he left. All the sound was muffled, but he could hear the hard sound of the rain on the roof. Shivering, he curled further in on his own cold body and waited for the storm to end.

It went on for hours, the bruising wind and rain freezing Alex into his cramped position. He whimpered and begged for death, miserable. 

Suddenly he was shocked awake, and he shot up straight in bed. His roommate John was standing above him with his hand outstretched, a scared look on his face.

“Are you okay, Alex?” John asked, and Alex pulled his blanket tight around himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said and forced a weak smile, his head still reeling at the memories.

“You were thrashing around in your sleep,” John said then, biting his lip. Alex smiled a little more at that, and shifted his position on the bed.

“It’s okay, it’s just nightmares,” Alex said and shrugged, sounding far more confident than he felt.

“Do they happen often?” John asked, his voice curious. Alex shrugged again in response and motioned at the bed with his head in an invitation for John to sit down. John hesitated, but did. 

“Sometimes. When I have a bad day, mostly,” Alex replied and looked at his roommate. “They’re nothing, really… I’m okay.”

John still looked skeptical and worried, so Alex gave him a little more of a confident smile. “Alex, are you sure?” John said then, and lifted his hand as if to comfort Alex, but dropped it again.

Alex nodded again and rested his own hand over John’s in a surge of confidence. John looked at Alex’s face, looking… scared? Alex pulled his hand back, not wanting to make John uncomfortable.

“Okay. If you ever need anything… I’m just in the next bed,” John said with a small chuckle then, and began to rise. Alex realized that soon he was going to fall back asleep and probably have to deal with the nightmares again, and he reached out his hand. John looked back at him, and Alex gave him a little hopeful smile.

“I… They’ll come back, if I go back to sleep,” Alex said quietly, and John sat back down.

“Do you want me to- to stay?” John said, obviously hesitant. Alex had learned throughout the many months they had been living together that John was always uncomfortable when any sort of close contact was initiated. Especially by Alex, or by one of his friends, Lafayette and Hercules. Alex assumed it was because he was from the south, and normally didn’t push it.

He looked up at John and shrugged. “Or… just stay awake? I…” he said, pulling his blankets closer, higher up towards his chin. John hesitated again, then nodded. Though, he did go and sit back on his own bed. Alex watched John settle against the wall, hoping he wasn’t being too needy.

“Do you… want to talk about them? The nightmares, I mean,” John said then, his voice soft and kind of sleepy. It made Alex smile. 

“I mean, I can. If you think I should,” Alex said and, keeping his eyes on John as he began to talk, began to describe the nightmares. 

“You know I came from the Caribbean. A few months before I left, there was- there was a hurricane,” Alex said, keeping his eyes on John to stop from reliving it yet again. “It destroyed… everything. My house escaped being ruined, but I… I had to live through it,” he finished quietly, and averted his eyes.

John was watching him, and Alex could feel his worried eyes. “The nightmares are about that?” John asked. Alex nodded and shifted slightly, trying to get his blanket even tighter around himself.

“They are. It’s really scary,” he whispered, looking back at John. 

“It’s okay to be scared, Alex,” his roommate said then, and Alex sighed. 

“I suppose,” Alex said then, and yawned. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes wide in an attempt to stay awake. “I just wish they would go away. It’s been nearly two years… I should be fine by now.” John made a noncommittal noise, and Alex found he could relate. 

John looked over at Alex, and said quietly, “I get nightmares too, sometimes. But they’re dumb, I shouldn’t be scared of them.”

“It’s okay to be scared, John,” Alex repeated John’s words, smiling. “You can talk about them… If you want.” Alex knew John was being incredibly brave in even mentioning them, and he didn’t want to push him.

John seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before he looked across at Alex again. “My dad. He was never physically… abusive to me,” John said and shivered. Alex wanted to curl up in his fuzzy blanket with John and never leave. “He came close to… to disowning me, though. A year ago.”

Alex could tell this was hard for John, and he really wished he could help more. “I’m sorry,” Alex said quietly.

“I told him I didn’t want to marry the girl he had chosen for me. She was my friend, but I didn’t want to marry her. The only way I could convince him to continue to pay for my college was by telling him I would marry her after I graduated,” John said, his voice shaking. “I don’t want to marry her… But in order to do that I would have to leave my family. He would disown me and stop paying for college if I did that.”

“John…” Alex said softly, and found himself standing up and moving across the room to John’s bed. He hesitated, asking silently for permission to sit. John hesitated, then nodded. Alex settled down beside John and leaned his shoulder against his roommate’s.

John leaned into it and closed his eyes. They sat together in silence for a few moments, then Alex turned and looked at John.

“Do Laf and Hercules know?” he asked quietly, and John, without opening his eyes, shook his head. 

“No… And I’d rather they didn’t. I trust you,” John whispered and carefully leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder. “I just wanted…” John started, and then stopped and thought about what he wanted to say. “I figured that since you shared…”

Alex smiled and leaned his cheek on the top of John’s head; his hair was soft. “You didn’t have to share. Thank you, though,” he replied and then, “I’d like to extend the offer that you gave me, that if you ever need someone, I’m here, John.”

John nuzzled closer to Alex, his body relaxing more the longer they sat together. “Thanks, Alex,” he said. Alex lifted his arm and wrapped it loosely around John’s shoulder, and John, thankfully, just moved closer to Alex. “You’re a good… friend,” John mumbled, and intently avoided Alex’s eyes. 

“You are too… Thank you for waking me up,” Alex replied, and had to hold himself back from kissing John’s forehead. Sure he wanted to, but their friendship was more important.

The pair sat together until they both drifted back to sleep.

Alex didn’t have any more nightmares that night.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @johnlauhrens :)


End file.
